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October 9th, 2009
12:54 pm
yesterday while showering, i stopped and realised how extremely depressed I am. i was just overwhelmed with this feeling of deep depression like it was filling every cell of my body. it was such a disgusting and unbearable feeling that i feel like i've just been burying for the past month, and have so little control over.
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November 22nd, 2007
03:58 pm
aaah i dont really nkow why i'm writing here. guess i'm jsut that bored. i feel like i'm constantly killing time.
it's been so long anyway
so grad school is stupid and toronto is depressing.
mr perfect and i bought a condo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we're moving in dec 19th hopefully, the day of my last exam.
that's about it. school is stupid
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September 27th, 2007
09:04 pm - grad school
bleh!
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April 25th, 2007
10:50 pm
the new apartment is nice
we are all moved in now
still need to buy a couch, blinds, shelves for plants, etc.
big details, expensive ones
i just put several 100 dollars on our visa (mr perfect and i share an account) and we owe endless 100s of dollars more :(
really... i mean endless! i don't get it :(
going to the gym at least 3x per week
i promised myself
and it has been only about 2 weeks
training to climb mount elbert
which is the 2nd highest mountain in the contiguous United States
ok, i know that sounds stupid. but i always forget that word anyway, so it helps to write it
going to climb mt katahdin in june..
save, save, save, if that were possible
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March 23rd, 2007
10:41 pm
oh no, so the whole apartment thing is not going as well as expected
i thought apartment was spelled appartment until about a month ago when we started looking for apartments. apparently it is the french spelling..
i am obsessed with craigslists
i dont know why i get derpessed about the dumbest little shit sometimes when there is so much to be grateful and happy about in my life. i take it for granted sometimes. luckily most of the time i realise how fortunate i am, and i get overjoyed about very mundane thigns such as snow and clouds and reflections in puddles and that garbage
i decided i finished saving money for grad school. now all i need to do is get accepted. i applied fo ranother bachelor
saving to go climbing up all those mountains in colorado this summer.
me: "lets go shopping for a day or something"
mr perfect: "no!.... were hiking every day"
me: but thats two weeks of hiking up mountains, i cant do that
mr perfect: ok fine.. pout pout
i love visiting my mom. without her, i would not know go to bed at 10 pm, and that i look like shit, and that i need to notice approaching cars and pedestrians while driving.
she thinks that in my normal life that i live without her presence, i am not getting enough sleep because i cannot tell time for myself and decide a reasonable hour to sleep at, and i dont take care of hygiene because i have no one to remind me to shower, and i kill 5 people on average during any drive to any desitation becasue i cannot tell when cars are backing out of driveways or switching into my lane...
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March 17th, 2007
03:35 pm
mr perfect and i found a nice apartment!! we're moving in may!
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January 20th, 2007
09:57 pm
sometimes, i can know a truth for an endless period of time, and all of a sudden, it hits me. it actually hits me and i actually consider the true meaning of a situation
for some reason, i thoguht i realised for the first time, i live with my boyfriend. even though it's been almost a year.
anyway things are well
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December 27th, 2006
12:10 am - the miracle of lava life
guess who got a laptop for christmas? mr perfect, being perfect, got me one. this is more pressure to get accepted into grad school.
much later, this reminded me of a faint memory of my parents buying me a laptop one year, and i told them, immediately after opening it, "return it, i dont want it". icouldn't remember if it was a dream or not, so i asked my father and apparently it wasn't. he was a little displeased i'd forgotten.
mr perfect and i had matching shirts that read mr perfect and mrs perfect respectively on each, that we wore over the holidays
i had a really really good christmas again...
i hope everyone else did too
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November 17th, 2006
08:41 pm
i dont have time for anything yet i dont do anything. dont you just hate that
so i finally came home. i mean, home-home. and my mother, whom i came home to visit, is not even here. so i am about to drive home. like, sleep-home. ah whatever. im actually a homeless fucking bum.
getting depressed about saving for grad school. mr perfect has pointed out the fact that living expenses on top of my tuition, if i get accepted into grad school, means i have to save up.. oh.. you know.. like $50 000 or something.
and i will have to have lots of shots. i hope i get shots.
our roomate got a tarantula. but she stays in our room in a little cage.
i convinced my parents and mr perfect to come to toronto with me next weekend for my grandfathers birthday.
im going shopping for black friday!! i didnt even know what black friday was until a month ago.
watching boratcost mr perfect and i $120 because he paid for his friends who have forgotten to pay him back, and he would never ask, and i used visa to pay for online tickets and was charged for my mastercard even though i was told it was declined. this freaks me out because i have to file a dispute, and working for a credit card company, a nd constantly garanteeing helpless fools about being credited back for charges, i feel as though this whole being-credited-back thing really is just fantasy.
ok. i think thats all. life is pretty dull.
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October 30th, 2006
01:54 pm - i am obsessed with grad school
if i do not get accepted into grad school due to crappy letters of intent, I will blame pandora.com
then, i will proceed to spend all my grad school savings on a new car and drive to the edge of the universe
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October 7th, 2006
07:39 pm - writing personal statements...
mr. perfect got a new, very impressive and interesting job.
which is very good
i'm going to ontario alone if i get accepted to grad school.
which is very sad.
but of course that is if i get accepted. :(
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September 8th, 2006
09:04 pm
i was bored on monday and killing time so i made a website. http://www.geocities.com/beartrips.
it really sucks because geocities will only allow a certain limit of information transferred. so anyone who chooses to look at the entire site must do it piece by piece over a span of a long time..
i miss school a little. this is the first time that i have not been learning math in school since i was 3. boohoo.
i feel like such a bum.
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August 15th, 2006
05:22 pm
i'm so disappointed that mcgill has brochures coming out, which means i will no longer be on the back cover :(
this is the first approaching september where i will not be going back to school. i miss back-to-school spirit.
i have to start applying for grad school/getting ref letters, etc. boohoo. i dont even know if my profs will remember me.
choices thus far for MScOT (masters of science in occupational therapy):
1. UofT
2. Queen's
3. Dalhousie
and of course mcgill goes there too if they only offered the program. UofT is my first choice only because mr perfect might be able to find a job in toronto and relocate temporarily with me. and dalhousie is fucking expensive and in the middle of nowhere.
mr perfect and i are going to NY this weekend to climb another 5000 feet high mountain hopefully.
last weekend we went to the amusement park, somehow got in for free, stayed three hours after being sick of it. went to a sushi buffet, ate til we were stuffed, got home, lay on bed and couldn't get up to watch a movie as planned...
aahh life is good sometimes
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August 3rd, 2006
05:26 pm
mr perfect just found $800 that he had lost but never realised he lost it.
anyway, i forgot what i really wanted to post about
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August 2nd, 2006
10:32 pm
i got drunk for the first time this weekend. or at least its the first time ive admitted it. it all wasnt settling very well while i was sitting in the hottub on the back of the truck at the party, so i threw up a bunch of times. i really realised i was drunk when i was holding a full drink and for no reason whatsoever, i just dropped it on the barefoot of the guy i was talking with. it was a very haahaha-wtf moment for me.
i need to look for another job.
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July 27th, 2006
08:40 pm
i love damian rice's song blower's daughter.
last weekend we climbed mt lafayette which is apparently in new hampshire. then we drove up mt washington the day after. mr perfect is now obsessed with hiking up mountains and is convinced we will do mt everest before we die. next weekend, we should be hiking up mt washington.
i'm getting worried about life. but still staying positive for the most part, i think.
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July 15th, 2006
06:11 pm
oh no! i did something very very bad.
anyway. i have lost 5 pounds. i am now 94 pounds. probably due to work
my manager told me i was in the top 5 performers at work. yay!
mr perfect and i picked out a very very nice and large cabinet (?) for putting our clothes in, in his room.
the other night we saw cute math guy. we had both without consulting each other noticed that he greatly resembled ethan hawke in the lighting in which we saw him.
next weekend we're going to lafayette to climb a big mountain for mr perfect's 25th birthday.
and that's life right now. i suck.
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June 19th, 2006
01:11 pm - conversation in chinese
mom to me: ok don't forget to shut the windows if you leave. someone climbed into a montreal house and robbed it.
dad to mom: someone won the lottery, where are your winnings?
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June 9th, 2006
09:33 pm - random shit
the whole trying-to-sleep-at-8:30-on-a-friday-night-when-the-sun-is-still-out thing is not working out too hot for me and has resulted in me getting up an hour after trying, to write a meaningless post to try to kill time and rebuild sleepiness.
drinking large, large amounts of coffee and eating 200 calories a day is not working out too hot either.
i'm a money whore. my average annual interest for my mutual funds has been 11% which i think is pretty good. so i shall invest some more money that i've made thus far, hopefully save up enough money to continue with school next september
working on saturdays is kind of annoying because it interferes with camping with mr perfect. uggghh
people at work are pretty cool. certain aspects really fucking piss me off. at least no one has been excessively rude with me over the telephone. i had to pass someone to a manager once. the first thing the client said to the manager was "i'm pissed off, you fucking cunt". i'm glad i hadn't heard it. i've never even been called a cunt before, i don't think.
mr perfect and i are going to his parents' house this sunday to make them supper for his mom's birthday.
i miss those days mr perfect and i would stay in bed literally all day, getting up late morning, cuddling and watching movies, getting up when the sun was down, to leave his room to make supper to eat.
i am losing all but 1 of my students because they're all finishing for the summer. no more tutoring :( maybe this means i will have to graduate from my gained expertise of grade 10 math and start relearning grade 11 math and steal another math book from my high school again to prepare for next september.
i'm getting a little sleepy
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June 2nd, 2006
06:38 pm
it seems that people usually announce that they're moving out but i kind of neglected that, and i'm in this grey area where i can't decide if i've moved out of the house yet, but i certainly don't go home often, or at least not to sleep anyway. just to pick shit up. but my room hasn't really changed or anything. wierd.
anyway, work is pretty good. except my teacher offered me a position as research assistant, sort of, which i can't really take because i'm already pretty comfortable with my job. and i got the best schedule, the one i was told i should forget about my chances in getting
went canoe camping last weekend with mr perfect. ppl pissed drunk and stoned. canoed to an island, set up our tent, canoed to another island to gather wood to bring back to our island (mr perfect picked up a 3 foot long, 0.8 feet in diameter piece of tree in the canoe back with us), sat in front of the campfire for hours, looked at the stars (and the milky way). much much fun
("eh t'en veux tu des pilsburEE?? the little faggot breads?" background shouting)
two days ago was the graduation. mcgill apparently thinks it's a good idea to have a graduation with hundreds of people in thick black synthetic graduation robes plus hood and cap, under a gigantic tent in the 40 degree (with the humidex) temperature. i seriously felt like i had just taken a shower, and without wiping mysxelf down, instead, i slipped into a graduation gown. gross
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psychopath's journal